The Etiquette of Wedding Etiquette

Weddings are one of the few times in modern life when etiquette becomes a frequent topic of conversation. As people become more and more wrapped up in the idea of planning the “perfect” wedding, there are times when etiquette ends up being used as a weapon, which is certainly not what Miss Manners or Emily Post ever intended. To help you avoid this pitfall, here is the etiquette on wedding etiquette.

One thing that is oven overlooked is that one of the primary goals of etiquette is to make life as pleasant and sociable for everyone. The whole reason behind having a set of manners is to give our society a set of agreed upon guidelines to help us act in a way that will make our daily interactions with others easy and enjoyable. To put it another way, if we did not have etiquette, everyone would have to make up their own rules as they went along, which would mean that their intentions would be unclear to everyone else. It is like visiting a foreign country with different customs; you are likely to offend people inadvertently if you are not familiar with their set of manners.

What etiquette is not is a tool to put other people down. The idea is not to be able to “catch” someone in the act of using the wrong fork, but rather to help the diners know which fork to use for which course. Once learned, basic social manners quickly become second nature, which makes life much easier. So how does this apply to wedding etiquette? For starters, it means that wedding etiquette should never be used to put someone down or humiliate them. An example of this would be the mother in law who critiques the bride’s bridal attire by saying that everyone knows that only pearls are proper for weddings. Not only would she be mistaken (crystal bridal jewelry is always appropriate too), but by trying to correct another person’s etiquette, she is showing her own lack of manners.

There certainly may be instances during the course of planning a wedding where the bride or her mother realizes that someone else is committing a breach of etiquette. The trick, then, is to graciously get them to change their plans without being rude and telling them flat out that they have no understanding of what is polite or correct. A lot of this depends on your relationship with that person. Let’s say that the bride has mentioned to her mother that she plans to include her bridal registry information on the wedding invitation. Now her mother knows that this is a horrible faux pas that will be sure to offend some of the guests. And yet, if she were to blurt out, “How rude! Don’t you know anything about proper wedding etiquette?”, that she would be breaking the rule of etiquette which says that etiquette should not be used as a club to beat a person down.

But to take no action would be to allow her daughter to do something offensive and in poor taste. The polite way to inform another of their breach of etiquette is with extreme tact and gentleness: “Darling, I am sure that it is very common these days to print the registry information on wedding invitations, but some of your older relatives will find it in poor taste. Why don’t you just put the registry details on your wedding website and I will make sure to spread the word to anyone who asks?”

Etiquette does provide kind ways to help others out of their social miscues with grace and tact. It also says that there are times (like when someone drinks the water from the finger bowl) that the best thing to do is simply to overlook an etiquette accident. Taking care to treat your family and friends with kindness is far more important than always being “correct”, which is a great lesson for everyone involved in planning a wedding.

About the Author Laura Firenze

Laura is interested in wedding planning and wedding trends including jewelry,receptions and gifts. Bridal jewelry which is handcrafted with luminous freshwater pearls or sparkling Swarovski crystals is always in good taste.

For more on wedding etiquette visit:

Plan Weddings Now for wedding guest etiquette tips.
New and Blue for rehearsal dinner attire ideas.
Utah Weddings for receiving line etiquette tips.

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